


Thursdays

by OmegaSuperHero



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom, marauders - Fandom
Genre: Accident, Dorks, Dummies, Gang, Gen, Humour, Idiots, Inspiration, Marauders, Muggle AU, Police, Robbery, bank heist, but its really good i promise, i predict a riot, it made me laugh anyway, james/sirius main, kaiser chiefs - Freeform, kind of, okay i knocked this up in 45 minutes, remus/peter mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-10-29
Packaged: 2018-02-23 04:23:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2534048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OmegaSuperHero/pseuds/OmegaSuperHero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thursdays aren't meant to be this painfully slow, are they? Sirius, meet James. He wanted to speed up his Thursday too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thursdays

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this au on tumblr and had to write it? So I did, in about 45 minutes. Please leave a comment to tell me if you like it?? Thank you!

It was a Thursday.  
You know the ones, the painfully slow Thursdays that really shouldn't exist, that defy all laws of nature, because a Thursday should never be this slow.  
Sirius hefted his duffel bag further up onto his shoulder, patiently waiting for the queue to start moving, _never bloody work on a Thursday again_ , he reminded himself as he tried his damnedest not to cry from the boredom.

The queue shuffled roughly two steps forward and Sirius muffled his groan with his hand, posing it as a yawn. This was _excruciating_ , simply unbearable! What had possessed him to do this on a _Thursday_?! Fucking Thursdays.. Why did everybody and their mothers have to do their banking on a Thursday?  
Ah! Another.. Three steps, bloody hell. He was about to scream, he really was. The duffel felt colossal in its weight, its contents had to be straining so that everybody could see the outline, so why was nobody apprehending him?

 _Relax, Black. They're not apprehending you because they don't know shit, just a few more steps, come on. Its not hard, you've seen it on the telly a hundred times now! No, don't start sweating, they'll /know/ you're up to shady happenings if you do that. Hey, is that guy okay over there?_ , his internal monologue broken apart at the sight of a darker man in the other queue, Sirius' brow furled as he watched him picking at his jacket sleeve, _he'd better just get really nervous in public_ , he thought viciously, _I'm not bloody missing out, I need this!_

The darker man stood tall with relaxed shoulders, glancing easily around the bank as he casually ran fingers through his unruly hair. The only indicator of his nerves being the mistreatment of his sleeves and, _bugger fuck, that duffel had better be for groceries, or so help me.._  
With a start, Sirius realised he'd reached the window and the woman was watching him impatiently, clearly waiting for his attention.

"Excuse me, sir. How can I help you today?", she asked as pleasantly as possible, yet he thought she still sounded like cardboard, like.. _Fuck me, she sounds like a Thursday_ , the thought bloomed instantly, leaving him snorting like an adolescent who'd just drawn a cock on his desk, embarrassing really.

No, really, this was embarrassing. He'd meant to get started before he reached the window, this felt awkward. The poor girl just wanted to help him make a transaction, should he maybe.. Leave it? Try again another day, when he could actually pay attention? _Fuck it, on with the show, chaps!_  
He flashed a disarming smile at the woman, who flushed slightly, before shoving his hand into his duffel and sliding the gun out. He aimed it at the woman, opened his mouth and-  
"Everybody get the _fuck_ down, this is a fucking robbery! Nobody try to play the hero, or you get shot! _I said get down! Now!_ "

The voice rung out through the bank, a voice that said _"fuck Thursdays, I dominate Thursdays. Also, I sound like I actually know what I'm doing, instead of copying the telly"_  
Sirius froze, gun pointed at the poor woman, who was shaking and whimpering by now, oh dear. But that voice, _that voice wasn't his_ , it was..

He whipped his head round, desperately searching for the voice's owner, and it was that bloody dark bloke! Unbelievable! He even had a gun aimed at _his_ cashier, _his bloody gun is nicer than mine.._ Sirius grumbled internally, before twisting his body to face the stranger. Completely oblivious to the strangers all curled up on the floor, crying and shaking and mewling in fear.  
"What the bleeding fuck are you doing?!", he shouted at the opposing robber, waving his gun at him, "this was _my_ heist, you can't just _steal_ a guy's heist, that's just wrong, that is!"  
The other man turned to Sirius, his expression comical: eyes the size of the moon, mouth gaping open and closed like a useless fish, Sirius thought.

"I.. You.. _Me?!_ " he spat out, voice abnormally high with shock, and Sirius had to focus on not laughing. Nerves, of course, "You realise I'm a robber, but you're shocked I'd steal your heist? Who even calls it a heist, you pretentious lunatic!" His voice slid back to its lower register, and the two had subconsciously wandered over to each other, oblivious to the distant sirens headed their way.

Sirius grinned broadly and stuck a hand out, "I'm Sirius, and everyone calls it a heist on the telly, you uncultured swine"  
"Fucking blow me sideways, you got this idea from the _telly_? Worst bank robber ever, you are", he took Sirius' hand without hesitation, "I'm James, why are y-"  
The young men were cut off by police swarming the bank and tackling them to the ground. Amidst the police shouting, civilians screaming and crying, two sets of pealing laughter could be heard along with, "Pissing blimey, mate! I take it back, we're both shit, we forgot about the sodding alarm!"

The two men were hauled onto their feet by screaming, _seriously, so much screaming_ , policemen and cuffed against the side of the cruiser. Sirius turned his head to from at James, "we should start a gang, **fucking ow, watch it mate!** like right now, you and me, so we can hook up again at some point"  
James laughed loudly, earning a backhand from the officer, "Hm.. We shall henceforth be known as the Marauders! Catch you after prison, loser!"  
Sirius grinned to himself as he was stuffed into the cruiser, _this has probably been the most interesting Thursday of my entire life.._

The two men were both released from prison a few months later, only to resume their shoddy bank robberies, along with picking up a stout man who made a brilliant pick pocket, and a young gentleman with astounding anger issues who got into more fights than he was worth. Thus the Marauders were truly born, and the media knew them forevermore as Padfoot, Prongs, Wormtail and Moony. These four men were to go down in history as the worst, yet most entertaining criminals in centuries.


End file.
